Home > Creativity, Life > Do I have – ahem – the – ahem – write stuff?

Do I have – ahem – the – ahem – write stuff?

I’ve been to a monthly sf and fantasy writers’ group in London called the T Party twice now and tomorrow, at their next meeting, a story of mine own invention is up for critiquing. Looking forward to it, yes; nervous, certainly, but what’s really worrying is that I’ll get feedback tomorrow – good or bad, I’ll treat those imposters the same – and it won’t make a blind bit of difference.

The strictures of a full time job don’t have a good effect on me. Before January, I hadn’t worked full-time for three years. In the intervening period I was at university doing Creative Studies in English – that’s creative writing in plain English. In the six months following my graduation I didn’t do anything – I lived rent free in my late grandparents’ house in St Helens, did some roleplaying, made some desultory efforts at both writing and finding a job.

After three months of working full-time all I can think about is how shit it is and that I’m probably not suited to this kind of life. Towards the end of my degree I was absolutely fed up with it and wanted go back into the real world and earn a wage; now I look back with nostalgia. I want the structure of having to get up and do something. Obviously I want money so I can afford to do things I enjoy. But I also want the time to dedicate to my writing that I don’t feel I have at the moment.

And yes, I probably could find extra time to do just that, but I want it to be (if you’ll pardon the expression) quality time. Which is to say time when I’m neither falling asleep or depressed or distracted – all of which apply to the days spent in my nearly work-free job. I know, I know, I know that writing is hard work and you can’t hope to succeed if you’re not prepared to write even when you don’t feel like it. But back at university – during the good bits, anyway – there was a base level of contentedness that I feel I no longer have.

So what’s the answer? Go to university again? And what happens when that’s over? Or get a part time job? And how could I afford that in London? I’m not totally sure I can afford my living costs as it is. I don’t know. In June the six month minimum period on my flat comes to an end, so I’m not going to make decisions until then.

When it comes down to it, it probably is just a matter of dedication, of motivation, of, um, other things ending in ‘ation’. I probably could organise my time better. Making myself feel happier is a much bigger ask (as some might say).

No doubt I’ll have more thoughts to share with the great void of the internet tomorrow when I’ve had my story critiqued.

You know, I was just intending to write about tomorrow, so I came up with that rather pathetic title for this post. Given everything I’ve written, though, it seems even more appropriate.

Categories: Creativity, Life
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