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Flour child

I recently watched an episode of Frasier on the internet. I so love Frasier, and this was the first time I’d seen it in a couple of years (or however long it’s been since the last episode) – plus it was one I hadn’t seen before.

Niles is getting broody and talks to Frasier about how he kind of wants children but isn’t sure. Frasier mentions something about high school children carrying around a sack of flour for a week, treating it like a child – a process that gives them an insight into parenting. Niles decides he’s going to do just that.

At one point, Niles comes into Frasier’s apartment with his sack of flour/baby and as he takes it out of its papoose we see that the sack is all charred. Niles explains that he was doing tai chi that morning and accidentally kicked the baby into his pond. Then he set the flour in front of the fire and left it to dry out. When someone makes a remark about how stupid that was, Niles retorts, ‘A real baby would start crying before it burst into flames.’

Then his alarm goes off and he sets the baby on the sofa for its nap. As he walks over to Frasier’s dining table he asks Marty to turn him if he starts fussing. Marty just says, ‘No.’ Niles explains that he’s roleplaying and Marty replies, ‘Why don’t you try playing the role of a sane person?’

The best Frasier scripts are just fantastic – sharp enough to draw blood … if they were physical objects … which I suppose they are, in paper form …

Speaking of which, I have a book of 15 Frasier scripts – I think it’s entitled 15 Frasier Scripts. One of the best lines therein is a stage direction that goes something like: ‘The blood drains from Frasier’s face (a really good actor could do this).’

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Categories: Humour, Quotations
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