Home > Humour, Quotations > Then is now (again)

Then is now (again)

Just been listening to last week’s edition of The Now Show. In his little section of the programme, Jon Holmes was responding to John McCarthy’s criticism of the film and TV portrayal of torture, by pointing out that film and TV characters like John McClane and Jack Bauer are fictional. The main reason we that know they’re fictional is because their computers always do what they’re supposed to do – first time:

Unlike the rest of us, John McClane and Jack Bauer have never heard this sound:

Plunk! [sound of Windows critical stop]

Totally unrealistic.

Films and action drama TV are full of stuff like this:

[Jon Culshaw pretending to be Jack Bauer:] ‘God dammit! The bomb’s about to go off! I need you to download detailed schematics to my PDA, log me on to a satellite uplink, network the blueprints of this building to my laptop and analyse and return the correct security launch codes for a rogue nuclear weapon.’

‘Sending now.’

Beep, beep.

‘Got it.’

That would never happen. What would happen is this:

[Jon Culshaw still pretending to be Jack Bauer:] ‘I need you to download detailed schematics to my PDA, log me on to a satellite uplink, network the blueprints of this building to my laptop and analyse and return the correct security launch codes for a rogue nuclear weapon.’

Plunk!

‘Hello. I’m the Microsoft Office Paper Clip. You look like you’re about to stop an imminent nuclear attack on American soil. Would you like some help?

‘You have chosen to end the Microsoft Paper Clip’s life. Microsoft Anti-Terrorist 4.0 has encountered a problem and will be shut down.’

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Categories: Humour, Quotations
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