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Why is freedom so confusing?

Now I’m safely in Delhi – and I have the prospect of an easy exit – I’m feeling a whole lot more positive. So much so that I can consider staying on longer. Not for another two months, but long enough to go down south and see how it differs from the north (I’ve heard and read that it’s an awful lot more relaxed than the tourist hotspots here). So at the moment I’m not sure. I don’t want to keep flogging a dead horse, subjecting myself to something I don’t enjoy, but I also don’t want to cave in when the going gets tough.

If you’ll allow me to be self-analytical, I’ll say that it may all be to do with me being a fantasist – in more ways than one. Imaginary reality is so much better than real reality. Putting it another way, while I have a lot of negative tendencies, I am, deep down, an optimist – strange as that may seem. Or maybe I’m just naive. Who knows? Self analysis is like a fingertip trying to touch itself, like an eye trying to look at itself.

I’ve been in India a month (nearly) – and that’s not a bad stint in such a challenging country. A reasonable compromise may be to change my flight to the end of January and book all my train travel for southerly areas in advance (worry and procrastination about travel has been perhaps the major headache).

I never got round to mentioning (until now) that I’ve had a cold. I’m still a little bit snotty, but it’s mostly done with now. As well as being inevitable when you travel abroad for any length of time, it seems such a trivial matter compared with everything else.

Categories: Life, Thoughts, Travel
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